Cranky

The morning didn't start out great. I drove August up to the tire place to get our tire patched, then walked him home in his stroller -- hoping he'd fall asleep for his morning nap. Also hoping John would have a smoothie waiting for me when I got home (he got a blender for Christmas and healthy smoothies made by my wonderful husband have become our morning routine).

No smoothie. I was hungry and cranky. And, August hadn't fallen asleep. He was fussy. So I nursed him, getting crankier because I was HUNGRY. Annoyed, I got up and made myself peanut butter toast (while still nursing). Maybe I was being melodramatic, but who cares. Then I decided to take the dogs for our morning walk - usually that is what gets August to nap.

So off we went, and the sun was out so I decided to make it a long walk. Plus, I needed to burn off my crankiness. August fell asleep relatively quickly. All good. But, as soon as we were about 45 mins out, guess who starts to cry. I kept going, thinking the motion would quickly lull him back to sleep.

No.

Crying intensified to screaming. So awful that I stopped and picked him up, tried to console him.

No.

Found a random tree stump at the edge of somebody's yard, told the dogs to sit, and tried to nurse him.

No.

Put him back in the stroller and started fast-walking toward home. Still screaming. Stopped again, picked him up, and pushed the empty stroller and two dogs while carrying him. Not an easy thing to do! Especially on hills.

He was still fussing when we got home. Tried nursing him and finally that worked.

And 20 minutes later he was all smiles.

What was going on? Is he teething? What? He is so rarely like that, and usually nursing calms him right down.

Anyway, I realized at the root of my crankiness is stress about going back to work. Worrying whether August will nap, if he'll cry, whether they'll be able to console him. Will they engage with him when he smiles, or will they be too busy? Will they hold him when he cries? I can't bear the thought of him crying alone.

The day got better. When I walked back to the tire place to pick up the car, he fell asleep and had a good nap in the stroller. I stopped at the used bookstore and got two books. I didn't have cash, just a debit card, but the owner said nevermind, just take them for free. How nice is that? Who does that? (I'm a regular customer, but still!)

And I'm reading a good book on baby sleep, to try to get August into a good groove. He's actually a great sleeper - once he's asleep. Problem is, he needs to nurse to sleep, or fall asleep in my arms. Adorable and sweet and I love it, but not a good long-term strategy,

When we got home from the tire place, John made me a smoothie. And as I type this, he is gearing up to make a delicious dinner -- like he does every night.