Friday, January 29, 2010

Happy Friday!

So grateful to be working from home - yesterday, August rolled over for the first time! I put him down on his back in his little gym and left the room for a minute. John and I came back into the family room and the big boy was on his stomach!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

So far so good

Our first three daycare days were a success. Monday I was an absolute wreck, couldn't stop crying. Red, puffy eyes and tears when I dropped him off. Yaneth, the daycare woman, was so so sweet - she has kids of her own - and totally understood my misery. Of course, August was smiling the whole time and seemed totally chill with the whole thing.

I had to pull over after I dropped him off to catch my breath, and was still crying when I got to the office. My colleagues were great. There were beautiful flowers from Leslie in my office. I managed to pull it together, but still had visions of August crying at daycare. Had my first pumping-milk-at-work experience. Went fine, and I'm grateful I have my own office. I can't imagine having to trek to the bathroom every couple hours to pump. It's bad enough as it is!

Around 2:00 I left to pick up the boy. When I got there he was happy as a clam. SUCH a relief. When we got home he couldn't stop talking, like he had so much to tell us about his day. Most of the kids at this in-home daycare are around 2 or 3, so I think August likes watching the big kids. And maybe it's cool for him to see new things, be in a different place, who knows.

Oh, and he NAPS at daycare. What?! That was my biggest fear, because I thought he couldn't nap/sleep without nursing. Well, apparently not. So that is also a big relief. I need to ask Yaneth what her secret is...

Tues and Wed also went well, same thing - he's just a happy, secure, content little guy. I'm sure there will be bad/fussy days, but I think we're off to a good start.

Of course, it's still hard for me -- I miss him so much during the day (which is why I've been picking him up at 2 every day!) Luckily today and Friday I work from home, so I get him all to myself. Still trying to figure out the whole work-balance thing.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

bath time

How cute is he?!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

The 18 pounder

He weighs 18 pounds! I just weighed him.

Here are some new videos from December and January.

We visited the daycare yesterday just to reconnect, and so John could meet them. It's a good place and I'm feeling as good as can be expected about the whole thing. I can't believe my leave ends on Monday and it's back to work. What a magical almost four months this has been. I'm a different person. We are blessed beyond belief. I sometimes look at August and have to keep focusing, telling myself, Yes, he is real! He is here, he is right here in your arms. Oh, my sweet baby boy.

So, other than trying to get the boy to nap on a relatively regular basis-- and not attached to my breast-- we've been having fun watching the Australian Open and being out in the sunshine. I'm heading over to a neighbor's house in a bit - her baby is August's age. We put them on the floor together and watch them flail and grab each other. Very cute.

Monday, January 18, 2010


The morning didn't start out great. I drove August up to the tire place to get our tire patched, then walked him home in his stroller -- hoping he'd fall asleep for his morning nap. Also hoping John would have a smoothie waiting for me when I got home (he got a blender for Christmas and healthy smoothies made by my wonderful husband have become our morning routine).

No smoothie. I was hungry and cranky. And, August hadn't fallen asleep. He was fussy. So I nursed him, getting crankier because I was HUNGRY. Annoyed, I got up and made myself peanut butter toast (while still nursing). Maybe I was being melodramatic, but who cares. Then I decided to take the dogs for our morning walk - usually that is what gets August to nap.

So off we went, and the sun was out so I decided to make it a long walk. Plus, I needed to burn off my crankiness. August fell asleep relatively quickly. All good. But, as soon as we were about 45 mins out, guess who starts to cry. I kept going, thinking the motion would quickly lull him back to sleep.


Crying intensified to screaming. So awful that I stopped and picked him up, tried to console him.


Found a random tree stump at the edge of somebody's yard, told the dogs to sit, and tried to nurse him.


Put him back in the stroller and started fast-walking toward home. Still screaming. Stopped again, picked him up, and pushed the empty stroller and two dogs while carrying him. Not an easy thing to do! Especially on hills.

He was still fussing when we got home. Tried nursing him and finally that worked.

And 20 minutes later he was all smiles.

What was going on? Is he teething? What? He is so rarely like that, and usually nursing calms him right down.

Anyway, I realized at the root of my crankiness is stress about going back to work. Worrying whether August will nap, if he'll cry, whether they'll be able to console him. Will they engage with him when he smiles, or will they be too busy? Will they hold him when he cries? I can't bear the thought of him crying alone.

The day got better. When I walked back to the tire place to pick up the car, he fell asleep and had a good nap in the stroller. I stopped at the used bookstore and got two books. I didn't have cash, just a debit card, but the owner said nevermind, just take them for free. How nice is that? Who does that? (I'm a regular customer, but still!)

And I'm reading a good book on baby sleep, to try to get August into a good groove. He's actually a great sleeper - once he's asleep. Problem is, he needs to nurse to sleep, or fall asleep in my arms. Adorable and sweet and I love it, but not a good long-term strategy,

When we got home from the tire place, John made me a smoothie. And as I type this, he is gearing up to make a delicious dinner -- like he does every night.

Saturday, January 16, 2010


August has introduced a number of verbs into our daily conversation. For example:

To woodpecker -- this was mostly a newborn thing, when he wanted to nurse. He'd slam his face into John's chest/neck/chin, probing around. John: "You should probably come in here, he's really woodpeckering."

To scrunch -- also a newborn thing -- how they tuck their legs up and scrunch into a little ball on your chest. Me: "Do you want to go scrunch with papa?"

To melt -- short for melting down. Self explanatory. Me: "We were at the store and he totally melted."

To squawk -- the little shouts when he's getting fussy. Quickly increasing in loudness and frequency when he is bored with his chair or gym.

To roughhouse -- This is what John calls it when he tickles August and kisses his neck, making him smile his huge gummy smile (he isn't really laughing quite yet). "Oh boy, let's do some roughhousin'!"

Friday, January 15, 2010


recent pics -- the xmas tree was in the house my parents rented here over the holiday.


Everyone says how having a baby and raising a child is so expensive - like you'll spend hundreds of thousands of dollars by the time they're 18.

But since having August, I've been struck by how easy it is to get amazing things for little or no money. There is a broad and generous network out there of other moms, and we're all trading, sharing and donating clothes, gear, and time. It's great to be part of this community. It's almost like I've discovered a secret underground club of these wonderful women.

Our friends and neighbors have showered us with their babies' gently used clothes, cloth diapers, bouncy chair, high chair, etc, etc. And we'll pass it all on when August is done.

One friend has been unable to breast feed her baby boy because of various complications, so I've been pumping and freezing extra milk for her. The idea of donating breast milk surprised me at first, but then seemed totally normal and right. It's a gift for me that I'm able to help her, and her baby.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, I love how we can all help each other in so many different ways. It's heartening, especially when sometimes it seems like there's so much greed in the world, with everybody just out to help themselves.

I'm organizing a little neighborhood parents group b/c there are so many new babies around here. Our first meeting is Sunday. Hopefully we can keep the giving going!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Your hands

When you were born you dove into the world, hands up. You tore through me, tumbling into the light, clenching your little bloody fists.

The midwife remarked on the size of your hands. You take after your papa -- big Montana hands run in the family. Hands that can row a boat, swing a hammer, grip the reins of a bucking bronc. Hands that can also tie an intricate fly, roll dough for perfect pie crust, strum a mandolin.

As I nursed you when you were two days old I was startled to feel a trickle down my side. Was it spit up? Pee? No, just the liquid touch of your gray wrinkled hand caressing my bare skin. I didn’t know a touch could feel that light, that sweet.

Now you are three months old. I love your knuckle dimples, your chubby little boy thumbs, the pinpricks of your fingernails. You tug my hair, pull my necklace, clutch my shirt. You try to fit your whole fist in your mouth.

You grab my breast when you nurse. Fingertips push, knead, tap. You stroke my belly with the backs of your fingers, a bit clumsy, uncoordinated, but with a kind of animal grace. You are exploring your world, the landscape of my body. Eyes closed, you read me like Braille. Eyes open, you gaze up at me and grip my finger. We play, fingers intertwining. Our own language of touch.

You relax your grip as your eyes grow heavy. I hold you close, rubbing circles on your little back. Your eyes close, arms limp, palms open to sleep.